FORGIVENESS

“People are paralyzed by the tensions and contradictions in their own beliefs.  In turn, they shy away from examining their own behavior too closely…” (Sharif Abdullah, Creating a World That Works For All, p. 105).

We all need food, safety, security, belonging, love. Sometimes our need for these things is so desperate that we try to take them, maybe harming others in the process.  For me, the definition of “sin” is when we try to meet our very legitimate needs in a way that is harmful to ourselves or others. It bothers us to realize that we’ve done things in unskillful ways to get what we need; that we’ve not lived with integrity with our innermost values.  That is very difficult to face, so most people choose to run from self-examination.  We shove it down and hide it – sometimes so deep that it’s buried in the unconscious.  It takes great courage to go within and face ourselves, for when we do so, we find that our actions don’t match our values - that we’ve not lived in honesty with our own selves.  That’s why Joseph Campbell termed it “The Hero’s Journey” – to face our inner demons takes more courage than most of us have!

We seek forgetfulness in many ways – watching TV, shopping, busy-ness, etc.  We try to like ourselves in spite of the things we’ve done that bother us.  Some self-help teachings even advise looking in the mirror and saying, “I like you!” to build self-esteem.  It would be healthier to face those behaviors and find ways to live in alignment with our innate desire to live with compassion toward all. 

We have such a deep need to forgive ourselves that we’ve created a God “out there” who can forgive us and wipe our slate clean…what we really need is to face ourselves, understand ourselves, forgive ourselves, and move forward in alignment with our innermost values.  It’s an internal thing of facing it, understanding it, and finding forgiveness…

The truth is we have all tried to meet our perfectly legitimate needs with unskillful means, bringing harm to others and/or ourselves.  Some traditions call this facing the "shadow" or dark side.  Christian teaching puts it this way: we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. This has been interpreted to mean that individuals are evil and deserve to die, when in fact we have all learned to live in ways that are not beneficial to ourselves or others.  How freeing it is to see that, face it, forgive ourselves because we were ignorant of any better way, and learn more skillful and less harmful means of getting our needs met.  In Scriptural language, this process has been described as confession, repentance (turning), forgiveness, and sanctification (the process of learning to live righteously). Whatever we call this process, may we find the deep courage to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and to live in alignment with the deepest desires of our hearts...

FINDING CONNECTION THROUGH SOLITUDE

A couple of years ago, I read Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation.  Merton (seeing as how he was a monk) was big on solitude, and said that it's only by spending time in solitude that we can truly come to love others.  At that time, I couldn't understand how solitude could contribute to a greater love for our fellow beings...

But when it comes right down to it, isn't unity with the Divine and with fellow beings what we're all looking for?  Isn't that the essence of the spiritual path?  Michael Brown, author of the Presence Process, said "It was not enlightenment I was looking for at all; it was intimacy.  I was desperately seeking intimacy with myself, with God, with nature, with my family, with all humans I encountered, with my cats, with my writing, with plants, with the falling rain, with my pain, with my dreams and visions, and with all the minute aspects of this experience we call 'living our life,' like washing dishes and doing laundry.” It is not enlightenment we all crave, it's intimacy.  But to achieve intimacy, we've got to overcome what separates us.  That's why we have to "go inside" and get to know all the aspects of ourselves, become self-aware.  Humility develops as we face those inner demons common to all of us.   Only in becoming conscious of the forces that drive us we can conceive of the forces that may drive others.  In so doing, we come to see that we're all deeply the same, each of us capable of the greatest good and the greatest evil.  As we develop compassion for our own failings, compassion for others grows.  From this perspective, we become capable of genuine forgiveness; the barriers come down and we can end the separation! 

Solitude is a tough discipline that takes great courage.  Most of us would rather do anything than spend time alone in self-reflection in order to face ourselves!  It's one reason we tend to keep our minds so busy with activities; keeping our minds busy prevents us from seeing ourselves as we really are (warts and all). It is only in solitude and stillness that we can connect with what's really going on inside of us.  And connection to other beings is not possible unless that self-connection is first established.  Spending time A-Lone leads to the understanding that we are All-One...this heart-felt knowledge enables us to relate to one another with Love and Intimacy.   And, isn't that what we're all really longing for?

HOW TO CREATE A WORLD THAT WORKS FOR ALL

I'm still thinking about the message of  Occupy Wall Street; still yearning for a way forward that will lead to a more peaceful, equitable, and environmentally sustainable world that will benefit and meet the needs of all. I read several thought-provoking posts on this subject at Commonway Praxis, a blog written by Dr. Sharif Abdullah.  The following quote is from Dr. Abdullah's book, Creating A World That Works For All:

"We live in a world that works for only a few.  The problem  is exclusivity: the fundamental belief that we are separate  from one another.  All beings, all things, are One.  Our lives  are inextricably linked one to another.  Because of this, we cannot wage war against anything or  anyone without  waging war against ourselves.    Therefore, we are obliged to treat all beings the way we want to be treated.  There are no 'enemies' - all beings are expressions of the Sacred and must  be treated as such.  Some being cause pain to others; this does not meant that they are enemies.   Some beings are food for others; this is all the more reason to treat them as sacred.  Once we understand that we are interconnected, we have the responsibility to create a world that works for all."

"With this as our goal, the next question is obvious: how do we achieve it?  How do we avoid sinking into despair or cynicism?  And how do we avoid dabbling in utopian fantasies or engaging in 'pie-in-the-sky' religiosity?  In fact, we can change this world right now by shifting our consciousness and our values from a foundation of exclusivity to one of inclusivity. This shift in consciousness is the core of the world's major religions.  The essence of the moral code they urge upon us is inclusivity:

         What is hateful to you, do not do to others.  ~RABBI HILLEL

         Do not hurt others with that which hurts yourself.    ~ BUDDHA

         Do unto others whatever you would have them do unto you.  ~ JESUS

                   None of you is a believer until you love for your neighbor what you love for 

                    yourself.  ~ MUHAMMAD                                                                                                              

"Considering the clarity, simplicity, and consistency of these statements, one has to wonder what it is about the message of inclusivity that makes it nearly impossible for people to either comprehend or implement.  Why are there Jews, Buddhists Christians, Muslims, and many others around the world who are killing their fellow men and women when their traditions call for peace, nonviolence, and inclusivity?"

For me, the HOW is the missing piece that I've been searching for.  How do we implement the spiritual truths found in all the world's religions?  How do we put our spiritual teachings into concrete practice in our daily lives?  How do we embody the Divine and bring the Kingdom of Heaven down to this Earth that we all live on? 

Well, I'm very excited about a tool I recently learned about that's really answering the big HOW question for me.  Non Violent Communication, developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, is much more than a communication method but a practical way to connect with "others" and live with Love toward all - beginning with our interpersonal relationships and expanding to peace at the global level. It is a way to practice the connections that make violence both inappropriate and impossible.  Below is the first in a series of Youtube videos filmed during a one-day introductory workshop in which Marshall Rosenberg teaches the basics of Non Violent Communication.  Altogether, more than three hours of this workshop can be viewed free of charge! 

Dr. Rosenberg's book is Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life.  Many additional resources can also be found online at the Center for Non Violent Communication and the NVC Academy.

By the way, PuddleDancer Press, the premier publisher of Nonviolent Communication related books, has recently donated hundreds of books on Non Violent Communication to various Occupy Wall Street libraries.                                                                              

                                                        

WATCH FREE MINDFULNESS CONFERENCE ONLINE

Sounds True is one of the sponsors of the Creating a Mindful Society  event, held in conjunction with the Omega INstitute in New York City.  Conference headliners include Jon Kabat-Zinn, psychologist Richard Davidson, Buddhist teacher and author Barry Boyce, and U.S. Congressman Tim Ryan, among others.  Sounds True is offering live free on-demand viewing through January 31, 2012.

Mindfulness is a simple yet profound practice that changes lives. If you’re committed to mindful living, eager to learn more about its growing influence across all facets of society, or only beginning to discover the transformative power of mindfulness, watch this historic conference on Creating a Mindful Society.

This pioneering event in New York City will feature keynote presentations by four outstanding leaders in the mindfulness field plus a rich program of dialogue and practice sessions. Together, we will explore all the proven, practical ways that mindfulness can transform our lives from the inside out—and help reshape society, from health, work, and family to education, leadership, and policy.  Details here and at http://live.soundstrue.com/event.

I would have loved to have been there, but it was pretty awesome to be able to watch it!